At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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