yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
