I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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