Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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