Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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