summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
