You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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