I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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