yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
