Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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