you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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