Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I see more hoeing in ur future
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