It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
