im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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