there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
