It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
