What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize