Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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