there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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