Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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