You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
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my liver is dry heaving
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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