Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
