Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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