Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
