I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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