I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
