Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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