There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
