You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
