I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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