I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Buhtt sex?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's get the cat blown out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
