you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
