Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize