He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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