last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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