i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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