the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
