Whod you bang
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
