I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That was an excessively violent trivia night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize