stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
