Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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