the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
