ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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