Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
