there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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