We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
