So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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