Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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