dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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