Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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