During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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