Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
