so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
