I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just had sex bonerless
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
