Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
