omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
