i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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