if i can run in heels then i can drive
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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