Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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