Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
