just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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