I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
