I accidentally burped into my bong.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
