I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They have beer where we have blood.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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