worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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