my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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