life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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