you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
