I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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