Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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