He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just google imaged poop.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
